I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
