I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
