Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
