new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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