I want to have your abortion
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
