You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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