Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
