last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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