Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
