It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
