Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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