He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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