Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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