There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
