I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
