walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize