So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
