i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
