what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
