If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
