we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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