Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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