My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
