We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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