I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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