my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
