you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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