you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
