The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Such a big mess for such a small penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
