I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
