At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
