we have pet lesbian snakes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
