how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
