The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
