I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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