yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
