i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
