I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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