It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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