a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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