I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
