Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cut my penus on the lid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mom said you looked used
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
