sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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