What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize