We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize