I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
