I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
