my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
