the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
