The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
