I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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