a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
