My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
