i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
