is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You may now shotgun with the bride
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
