I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
