I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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