omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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