u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize