Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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