I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
