Got a toothbrush?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize