somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
