oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize