i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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