I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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