Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
