i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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