i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
