I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize