I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
