She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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