Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
