He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
