Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
