I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
