im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
