Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
