she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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