...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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