I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He better not be in your backpack
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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