Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
