His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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