In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
