If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
