So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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