her vagine was all disorganized.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
