All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize