does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
