why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
