god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
