I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
