why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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