Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize