1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
