What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
