He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
