It's Friday. Sex?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
