Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
