like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
