like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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