apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
