I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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