it's like iHOP with fire
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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