I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
