All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
