He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So much Jack, so little girl.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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