I cut my penus on the lid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
